tiring, trying week.
thank you god for keeping me sane.
for giving me the grace to carry me through the insane night.

thank you for allowing us to come before you,
with boldness and confidence.
so freely.

because of your blood that was poured out on calvary.
how can i thank you enough?

Answer me quickly, O Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go
down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word
of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You I lift up my soul.


psalm 143:7-8





I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.
When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is You who know my way.

I cry to you, O LORD; i say,
"You are my refuge, my portion
in the land of the living."
Listen to my cry, for I
am in desperate need.

psalm 142:1-3a,5-6a

Labels: all you are is all i want

10:38 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

what if-by nichole nordeman




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZUZHU3Y8bw





such a beautiful song, and she sings,
think.
pause.
reflect and listen to the words.
all i hope of sharing is the true wonderful relationship
that god has given to us,

God always takes the first step.

how wonderful and amazing is that?

oh dear God, help me to live a life that's pleasing to you.
my future, my hope, my coming cts,
i commit them to you Lord.

and im at stella's hse!! alright..haha vincent's hse(:
thank you for providing me with pineapple tarts!
and making me laugh by doin funny stuff.
ohh n putting up with my out-of-tunes.
grins..and goin to so much trouble transposing down the song!
oh dear and i pray that ur dad won't scold you!
and for the many funny moments to come,
i hope we will get thru at least the aud! or not quite malu.
but if we don't, let's at least let them know we enjoyed it!!!
*beams widely

be honoured k!! u were givn this long para from me!!
grins. n u just gave ur spastic "what?"
haha you're so funny..
and I PRAY. that our friendship won't end!
like we'll meet some day in the street n ill scream "STELLLAAA!!"
and heads will turn.
grins.
yes yes and you'll be so macho and handsome,
all the girls will just drop and faint.
hahahahhahaaha.
yupp. may god bless this sisterly friendship!
and may god bless you with wisdom and
you'll grow to love God and Jesus more each day!


hahahas..his maid jus nagged him.




i love pineapple tarts.

what if you jump,
just close your eyes?




what if it's more than it seems?

Labels: what if?

7:00 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

It's well past midnight
And I'm awake with questions that won't
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face


Thomas needed Proof that
You had really risen Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke
Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I've lied if I've denied
The common ground
I've shared with him


And I, I really want to know
You I want to make each day
A different way that I can show
You how I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I'm just tryin' to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still


Nicodemus
Could not understand how
You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again
We might have been good friends
Cuz sometimes I still question, too
How easily we come to You


No more campin' on the porch of indecision
No more sleepin' under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
But dreamin's not for me


-nichole nordeman







i need you more each hour.
yeah your scars are bigger than these doubts of mine.

Labels: overwhelmed

10:24 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss
And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You
And I’m so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I’m stubborn, Lord,
and I’m longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate Without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like bird

Labels: i surrender

10:32 PM

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida,
a little boy decided to go for a swim in the
old swimming hole behind his house.
In a hurry to dive into the cool water,
he ran out the back door,
leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.
He flew into the water, not realizing that as he
swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was
swimming toward the shore.
His father working in the yard saw the two as
they got closer and closer together.
In utter fear, he ran toward the water,
yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed
and made a U-turn to swim to his father.
It was too late.
Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.
From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms
just as the alligator snatched his legs.
That began an incredible tug-of-war betweenthe two.
The alligator was much stronger than thef ather,
but the father was much too passionate to let go.
A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams,
raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital,
the little boy survived.
His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal.
And, on his arms, were deep scratches where
his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort
to hang on to the son he loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma,
asked if he would show him his scars.
The boy lifted his pant legs.
And then,with obvious pride,
he said to the reporter,"But look at my arms.
I have great scars on my arms,too.
I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.
"You and I can identify with that little boy.
Wehave scars, too. No, not from an alligator,
but the scars of a painful past.
Some of those scars
are unsightly and have caused us deep regret.
But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has
refused to let go.
In the midst of your struggle,
He's been there holding
on to you.





took this from ting's blog.


reading other people's blog made me think alot.
about my past. my future. and this world.
sounds so cliche.
the past present and future.
and i wonder what others think when they read my blog.

i wanna leave a legacy
how will they remember me
did i choose to love
did i point to you?


love. love. love.

it's going to be cny soon.
everything is just happening so fast." life's flying past!" ive prrob said this a zillion times alr.
went shoping with dahh and my mum and aunty esther jus now and i had such random thoughts.
aunty esther is growing old, and so's my mum.. how scary is that.
i can't imagine living life without her.
or dad.
and gor, who's seldom home,
i don't know what i would feel.
or rachel. i do love her so much.

talking with bird was really good. shared her part, and yeah.
life really boils down to what we're living for in this life.
the years will jsut go on and on. till one day we just find ourselves lying there and
not being able to move or anything.
anything can happen.
anything.
and what am i doing now?


it's hard to live.
it's really hard.
hearing mr young talk about the world and how violent it has become,
hear aunty yvonne talk bout the degeneration of man,
seeing lives being hurt each time i walk down the street,
being scared by guys who for no reason scream vulgarities at sindhu and i,
seeing the shop girl at charles and keith who was so happy the other day
crying in bk,
and just so so much more.
seeing people walk around with smiles and masks plastered on their faces
and yet holding a dam of emotions and tears inside them.

why is it so hard?


the world needs jesus.


until you come
until you burst forth in glory
until you ride the wide heavens
until you shine and streak across the sky like lightning
until you come

what will this world be?
what will this world become?

and what can i do to play my part in this movie that you have scripted?
will i play my part?
will i play it well?


lostforwords.















really, what can i do?
i feel ive not done enough.
and i can never done enough.




CTs are drawing nearer. two weeks
and ive done almost nth.
yeah. and im online now?
nah. i really need to pen down what im thinking.
waiting for the world to fall.
rumplestiltskin.
ive got so much to say but no idea how to put it.


you reach me now.



what's life about?
what's studying about?


attended the talk by prof Low. this really famous and prestigious guy who i really like cos he's not all high and mighty. talked about stuyin medicine.
god would want me to go medicine if:
-i score straight As
-i get a scholarship cos fees are 400K (and me getting a scholarship is like me striking toto cause only 11 points stand a chance to get scholarship. those with 10 points (me) must have a really good portfolio. and im so not rich.)
-i get thru the essay ( the qn is set on anything under the sun)
-i get thru 2 interviews (they ask weird qns)
-i get by 5 yrs of studying, 1 yr of housemanship, graduate,and specialize. (by the time im done and qualified, im prob 34 years old and some old hag who nobody wants to marry.)
-i get thru 3 days without sleep when im a doctor (they have 3-day shifts)

so as you can see. that's alot to swallow.
faith.trust.hope.
i need god if im ever going to accomplish all this.
or maybe someday you'll see me doing something else.
but it's my dream.
to reach people in china.
the villages, the people who have no proper medicine, and the doctors smoke?
that's utterly ridiculous.

mum asked me, 'are you sure you want to study medicine?
considered any other things?'

sighs. with all these huge problems? of course i have.
but i know i mus not doubt.
and my god is bigger than all these mountains ive yet to climb.
bigger than scars i have.
bigger than all these monstrosities inside.

and i just want to cry.
mere mortal.

way up high.
just like a star across my sky
you have appeared to my life
you should see the stars tonight
how they shimmer shine so bright
given black they look so black
coming down from such a height
to reach me now
to reach me now


with all these insecurities,
im realy crying out to you god
im falling to my knees.
i need you oh so much
to help me through
all that's to come.
to help me to trust you.
i admit its nv easy.
it never was.
but you make things so simple:
simply reminding me you love me so.
reminding me,
" my child, look at the cross. "
and in between that,
you embraced the world,
dying on the cross,
your arms were held wide open,
pinned wide open by the nails that drove thru ur skin.
and blood.
im not being emo.
im not trying to get at any point.
im not trying to appeal to ur sympathy or any form of emotion.
and for that,
how can i not try,
how can i not give my heart,
my best to everything im doing?
everything.
everything.

im falling apart.
tear me apart.
bring me to my knees.
tear away this old man
make me new



talking to bird also made me realise tt i should deal with some frenships properly.
and i dont want anyone to be envious of me ( not tt u should)
if i appear strong, happy-all-the-time, successful, in a good sch, yader yader,
i am human.
i struggle.
and i am so flawed.
and all i can say to justify this life im living is:
i thank god for giving me a reason and a hope to live.
his love is the only thing that kps me going,
kps me breathing.
it's hard to imagine life without jesus.


it is hard to live Life without Jesus.

try this statement.
try jesus.

but if you dont,
how would you know if you've missed out
the best thing in the world?




















blessed new year

Labels: let me fall to my knees. i pray.

8:59 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

somewhere over the rainbow



i know your love for me will never die
i know your love for me will never go dry

you are beautiful beyond description
majesty enthroned above




i have set apart in my heart
to do my best in living and affirming the gospel
through my life
to get down on my knees to pray every night
smiling and crying, knowing im still found in you




somehow,
i feel the world's going to come crashing down,
or something's going to happen.
prepare yourself.
i don't know what the future holds Lord
but i'm hoping,
and holding on to you
clinging on to the basis of my belief

at the cross i bow my knee
where your blood was shed for me
there's no greater love than this
you have overcome the grave
your glory fills the highest place
what can separate me now?

the beginning.
where i was made and formed and perfect.
and till i see you,
let me please you, please
back to the cross
where i found life
and its meaning.
back to the cross
where redemption was made.
with scarlet letters that
no words could write.



and i want to walk away from






and i stand,
i stand in awe of you.

Labels: king or cripple?

10:20 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i feel like dying.
alright i shant say that.
where do i fall from grace?

extremely tired.
doin homework and med soc and stupid stuff that wasted my time.

miss you moose. miss you charrr.

lord jesus. let me live a child in awe of you.

i need :

love.
joy.
peace.
patience.
kindness.
goodness.
faithfulness
gentleness.
self-control.

Labels: ten cent sandwich sucked.

10:41 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

CAROL

from "Unto Us a Boy"

He could hae dropped a dome
Carved of sapphire and amber
Into Bethlehem's marketplace
To serve as Mary's chamber

He could have made a ship
Keeled with the crescent moon,
and sailed it out of the evening sky
To bring the baby down.

God loved that baby in Heaven
Above all other boys and girls;
God gave him the stars
to play with as his toys.

but God sent down this babe
when night was wet and wild;
hungry into a hungry world,
helpless as a human child.

took this from a book in my library..
so nice!

here's another one:

these are flowers born too lovely for time's spoiling;
before the blossom's blowing or the seed's spilling
denied their harvest by frost's undemining,
immaculate, absolved from others' mourning.

so, when the star-led kings who bring each year
royal gold and holy incense to the byre,
foredoom the coming agony with myrrh,
the laughing child holds pomengranates and lifts
unthinking hands towards the sacred gifts,
while droop above him, charged with dread of loss,
his mother's eyes, bruised by the shadowing Cross:

"i have painted my door with prayers,
Angel of death, dark Angel:
will you not now pass over?
over this shining firstborn hovers your hand,
i hear in my heart your dark wings whispering;
Father, i cannot pay this sacrifice.
Dark Angel,
pass over, and I will give you incense, gold-
will nothing buy you but the bitter spice
of this child's shattered morning?''

Nothing; for us
no dawn more desolate; without farewell,
Angelic salutation, broken tomb,
or vowed returning at the end of time,
his soul's small ship is gone; nor may men tell
where lies the harbour-wall for that frail freight
or with what light or storms his path is fraught.
beyond the groping ken of human lives
he breasts the unreturning tides, and leaves
Mary to bear the weight of the bitter Tree
and climb the desert road to Calvary.


NOEL

The sky is black, and white the snow;
The bells call c;ear across the hills!
Over her Jesus bending low
Sweet Mary's heart with pleasure fills.

Here ar no 'broidered greens and reds.
No velvet quiltings sewn with gold;
The spider weaves his fragile threads
to shield the baby from the cold.

The little Jesus trembling lies
chilled in his mestling rest; the mild
Ass, and the ox with dove-soft eyes,
breathe on the straw to warm the child.

The heavens open in the night
Above the frost that grips the thatch;
And soaring choirs of angels white
sins ''Nowell!'' to the shepherds' watch.

ooh so nice and let God's grace carry me through this week!

Labels: moose. God gives me wings to fly

10:14 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

-

of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

-